Post by ? the GM !? on Jun 12, 2016 10:52:41 GMT -5
Hello everyone, we feel like there is a need to address some things that have happened recently and how to better deal with them in the future. I’m sure everyone who played in one of the previous games realizes what we are talking about, but if you don’t it doesn’t matter as this post should apply to everyone here.
Regarding what happened, know that this is not us trying to point fingers or put the blame on anyone. No one is at fault for what happened, however, we think we can all agree that we would want to avoid the outcome of that situation from happening ever again.
This is more of a guideline or a reminder if you will, on how to make sure things don’t escalate in an unwanted direction during the game, on how to make sure this game that is supposed to be fun, remains fun and doesn’t cause stress or negative emotions to anyone.
We have said this numerous times before, but this site is simply a means for us to play a game. A game that is supposed to be fun. There are a lot of different people here of different nationalities, ages, ideologies, opinions, life experiences, and state of minds.
Some of these people use this game as a means to escape or even a means to connect with other people. We are a very small and tight-knit community, and this place can and has come to mean quite a lot for some people.
That being said, we would like it if this forum, for however long it will continue operating, will be a positive experience for everyone involved. And that means that we all need to make an effort (GMs and players). This isn’t us telling you we know better than you, because obviously there are some things we’re not prepared to handle either. This is us trying to make sure this remains a good place for everyone involved.
So from now on, whenever interacting with other players during the game or outside of it, we ask that you follow these simple guidelines:
1. Be respectful of others.
This one is easy right? I mean, it’s in the rules too. But sometimes we see that this is not so easy and people forget about this simple rule.
Remember that you are talking to another person! That’s obvious, right? But is it so obvious? It’s very easy to forget that you are talking to another person as human and complex as you when you are on a different side of the monitor and in another part of the world.
Talking to someone on the Internet should be no different than talking to people in person. There are many reasons this doesn’t happen: dehumanizing your interlocutor, lack of consequences or response over your actions or words etc. These sort of things are normal when talking to someone on the Internet.
But that doesn’t mean we should keep it that way. When you write your posts, just do this normal exercise: is that how you talk to people you know in real life too? Is that want you say to your friends, family, colleagues, random strangers on the street? No? Then maybe you need to re-evaluate how you frame your points.
And another thing to keep in mind: we did mention there are people of different ages in here. Some of us are over 20 (and closing in on 30), some of us are as young as 13. Remember these differences when you are speaking to another person on the forum!
2. Don’t judge other people.
Another easy one right? But is it?
Yes, we’re all on Skype, we know each other (some of us at least). But how much do we really know each other? Don’t assume you know someone just because you’ve talked to them a couple of times in private or in a group, or if you played with that person a couple of games.
We get that everyone has opinions, but if vocalising them doesn't help the situation why do it? To this point also keep in mind that sometimes things can be interpreted differently so even if you didn't mean to come off as judging someone. Talking in writing instead of in person can have its limitations.
What a person chooses to show of his or herself on the Internet is only but a small fraction of that person. Don’t let pre-conceived notions cloud your judgement. You don't know what a person may or may not be going through at any given moment. Do you always tell everyone everything? Chances are you don't, so why would this person?
3. Try to be understanding to the people you are arguing with.
Yes, this is obviously a game where we all doubt and argue with each other. But, if the person you find suspicious is being emotional, the best thing to do is to show understanding to them. Try putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. If you think about it, this is a useful tactic to use in the game anyway.
Of course we don’t want people to start walking on eggshells! This is a game of Doubt where people doubt each other, interrogate each other, vote each other and metaphorically kill each other. It is completely legitimate to suspect and vote someone based on behaviour.
However, you can still vote someone and acknowledge their emotions and show understanding to them. Making sure that you really do understand what they are saying (especially if emotion causes them to be less organized in their posts) and simply saying something like “Ok, I understand what you are saying, but I am still voting you because of X and Y and because this is doubt and I’d rather be cautions.” can be a good approach. You could also include something about how this isn't personal and that this vote shouldn't reflect how you feel about them as a person. Patience is important.
4. Try to de-escalate negative situations.
The first step in de-escalating negative situations is identifying them.
If a person shows signs of distress, getting worked up, negative emotion, lashing out, even rants, it’s best to either contact a GM or show support for that person and encourage them to step away from the situation or simply step away yourself and wait for that person to calm down.
And again, since we are playing Doubt, you can vote for someone or disagree with them but also step away from the situation. Just make your own points clear and concise, acknowledge the other person, make it clear that you understand what they are saying but disagree with them and more or less end the discussion.
If the person in distress keeps insisting, it’s best that you answer concisely whatever new arguments there are. However, don’t keep adding fuel to the fire and don’t push them over their breaking point. There is no need to keep hammering down on that person. Try to be yourself part of the de-escalation process and keep a cool head yourself.
Also, just because someone responds, doesn't mean you have to answer immediately. It's okay to step away for a few moments to let a situation cool down. Watch a movie, talk with a friend, take a walk... just step away and preoccupy yourself doing something else.
Could someone be making an excuse to get out of a suspicion? Yes. Could someone be using this for pity? Yes. (They shouldn't, but it happens.) If you're ever unsure, you can PM the GM and make them aware of the situation. The GM knows who is or isn't the wolf, and can reach out to a player to make sure everything is okay. If needed, a GM can also mediate a situation to get a better understanding of what is going on.
If the person who was in distress ends up being hanged, again, it’s best to keep a cool head about it.
And if you feel like you are getting too worked up yourself, the same applies. Try to step away for a bit. Take a moment and get your mind off of it for a while. If you find yourself being voted because of your behaviour, it's probably because the others genuinely think your behaviour is suspicious (and not a personal attack).
We are not going to police the reasons people vote for each other. Some reasons will be good, some will be terrible, some votes will have no reason backing them at all. That’s just part of the game.
5. Take responsibility for yourself.
Both in the way you interact with other players and how you react to things as well.
Simply put, if you don’t think you can handle the stress and emotions of this game, being suspected, ganged up on, analysed, judged, voted, killed (metaphorically) for the 10th time consecutively in the first round, then maybe it’s best to take a break from it for a while. I mean, we can always hang out and observe things from a distance.
If you sign up for a game and you feel it's going in a direction that might distress you, or if you're playing a game and feeling distressed in any way, it's okay to drop out. If you don't feel comfortable explaining it, you don't have to. None of the GMs require an explanation. You just have to PM us and let us know you're dropping out. There is no shame in doing this.
Additionally, be mindful of the fact that, chances are, accusations on you and your actions are not a personal attack. It's a game. It's not meant to be taken seriously. If someone says they think you're bandwagoning, that doesn't mean they think you're a cowardly shrew with foul, odorous breath. Don't take it personally.
6. Be mindful of what you share with others publicly.
Again, keep in mind that this is a public forum. That being said, there are some things which are appropriate to say and some things which are not.
During the game, there may be instances where you will be asked some things about your personal life (do you know this person in real life? Why were you absent until now? Are you busy? Etc.). Remember that how much you decide to share with other people about your personal life is entirely up to you.
On the other hand, some things are better shared in private with people you know better.
Not to mention that we are playing a game about doubting each other so in worst case scenario other players will see your claims with skepticism and question your motivations behind mentioning things which are too private. Which is practically the worst result that you can think of.
While outside the game, if you become close friends with one or more players, it might be okay to share certain things about your personal life, this might not always be the case in the game itself. Especially when you consider that the very nature of the game is about doubting other players. Be mindful or the circumstances that you're in.
7. Reach out to others.
If you feel like the game is getting to you, the GMs are at your disposal. You can also reach out to other players that you feel closer to (better if they are not in the game). And, of course, don’t forget the people close to you in real life as well. They are the ones who should support you.
8. Help the GMs.
Since we will obviously not be online 24/7, we appreciate any help. Of course, you don’t have to get involved in anything you don’t want to get involved in.
Even so, the best way that you can support us is being honest with us. If something bothers you, tell us. We're not going to judge you for it, and anything you tell any of us will be kept private.
Thank you!
Regarding what happened, know that this is not us trying to point fingers or put the blame on anyone. No one is at fault for what happened, however, we think we can all agree that we would want to avoid the outcome of that situation from happening ever again.
This is more of a guideline or a reminder if you will, on how to make sure things don’t escalate in an unwanted direction during the game, on how to make sure this game that is supposed to be fun, remains fun and doesn’t cause stress or negative emotions to anyone.
We have said this numerous times before, but this site is simply a means for us to play a game. A game that is supposed to be fun. There are a lot of different people here of different nationalities, ages, ideologies, opinions, life experiences, and state of minds.
Some of these people use this game as a means to escape or even a means to connect with other people. We are a very small and tight-knit community, and this place can and has come to mean quite a lot for some people.
That being said, we would like it if this forum, for however long it will continue operating, will be a positive experience for everyone involved. And that means that we all need to make an effort (GMs and players). This isn’t us telling you we know better than you, because obviously there are some things we’re not prepared to handle either. This is us trying to make sure this remains a good place for everyone involved.
So from now on, whenever interacting with other players during the game or outside of it, we ask that you follow these simple guidelines:
1. Be respectful of others.
This one is easy right? I mean, it’s in the rules too. But sometimes we see that this is not so easy and people forget about this simple rule.
Remember that you are talking to another person! That’s obvious, right? But is it so obvious? It’s very easy to forget that you are talking to another person as human and complex as you when you are on a different side of the monitor and in another part of the world.
Talking to someone on the Internet should be no different than talking to people in person. There are many reasons this doesn’t happen: dehumanizing your interlocutor, lack of consequences or response over your actions or words etc. These sort of things are normal when talking to someone on the Internet.
But that doesn’t mean we should keep it that way. When you write your posts, just do this normal exercise: is that how you talk to people you know in real life too? Is that want you say to your friends, family, colleagues, random strangers on the street? No? Then maybe you need to re-evaluate how you frame your points.
And another thing to keep in mind: we did mention there are people of different ages in here. Some of us are over 20 (and closing in on 30), some of us are as young as 13. Remember these differences when you are speaking to another person on the forum!
2. Don’t judge other people.
Another easy one right? But is it?
Yes, we’re all on Skype, we know each other (some of us at least). But how much do we really know each other? Don’t assume you know someone just because you’ve talked to them a couple of times in private or in a group, or if you played with that person a couple of games.
We get that everyone has opinions, but if vocalising them doesn't help the situation why do it? To this point also keep in mind that sometimes things can be interpreted differently so even if you didn't mean to come off as judging someone. Talking in writing instead of in person can have its limitations.
What a person chooses to show of his or herself on the Internet is only but a small fraction of that person. Don’t let pre-conceived notions cloud your judgement. You don't know what a person may or may not be going through at any given moment. Do you always tell everyone everything? Chances are you don't, so why would this person?
3. Try to be understanding to the people you are arguing with.
Yes, this is obviously a game where we all doubt and argue with each other. But, if the person you find suspicious is being emotional, the best thing to do is to show understanding to them. Try putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. If you think about it, this is a useful tactic to use in the game anyway.
Of course we don’t want people to start walking on eggshells! This is a game of Doubt where people doubt each other, interrogate each other, vote each other and metaphorically kill each other. It is completely legitimate to suspect and vote someone based on behaviour.
However, you can still vote someone and acknowledge their emotions and show understanding to them. Making sure that you really do understand what they are saying (especially if emotion causes them to be less organized in their posts) and simply saying something like “Ok, I understand what you are saying, but I am still voting you because of X and Y and because this is doubt and I’d rather be cautions.” can be a good approach. You could also include something about how this isn't personal and that this vote shouldn't reflect how you feel about them as a person. Patience is important.
4. Try to de-escalate negative situations.
The first step in de-escalating negative situations is identifying them.
If a person shows signs of distress, getting worked up, negative emotion, lashing out, even rants, it’s best to either contact a GM or show support for that person and encourage them to step away from the situation or simply step away yourself and wait for that person to calm down.
And again, since we are playing Doubt, you can vote for someone or disagree with them but also step away from the situation. Just make your own points clear and concise, acknowledge the other person, make it clear that you understand what they are saying but disagree with them and more or less end the discussion.
If the person in distress keeps insisting, it’s best that you answer concisely whatever new arguments there are. However, don’t keep adding fuel to the fire and don’t push them over their breaking point. There is no need to keep hammering down on that person. Try to be yourself part of the de-escalation process and keep a cool head yourself.
Also, just because someone responds, doesn't mean you have to answer immediately. It's okay to step away for a few moments to let a situation cool down. Watch a movie, talk with a friend, take a walk... just step away and preoccupy yourself doing something else.
Could someone be making an excuse to get out of a suspicion? Yes. Could someone be using this for pity? Yes. (They shouldn't, but it happens.) If you're ever unsure, you can PM the GM and make them aware of the situation. The GM knows who is or isn't the wolf, and can reach out to a player to make sure everything is okay. If needed, a GM can also mediate a situation to get a better understanding of what is going on.
If the person who was in distress ends up being hanged, again, it’s best to keep a cool head about it.
And if you feel like you are getting too worked up yourself, the same applies. Try to step away for a bit. Take a moment and get your mind off of it for a while. If you find yourself being voted because of your behaviour, it's probably because the others genuinely think your behaviour is suspicious (and not a personal attack).
We are not going to police the reasons people vote for each other. Some reasons will be good, some will be terrible, some votes will have no reason backing them at all. That’s just part of the game.
5. Take responsibility for yourself.
Both in the way you interact with other players and how you react to things as well.
Simply put, if you don’t think you can handle the stress and emotions of this game, being suspected, ganged up on, analysed, judged, voted, killed (metaphorically) for the 10th time consecutively in the first round, then maybe it’s best to take a break from it for a while. I mean, we can always hang out and observe things from a distance.
If you sign up for a game and you feel it's going in a direction that might distress you, or if you're playing a game and feeling distressed in any way, it's okay to drop out. If you don't feel comfortable explaining it, you don't have to. None of the GMs require an explanation. You just have to PM us and let us know you're dropping out. There is no shame in doing this.
Additionally, be mindful of the fact that, chances are, accusations on you and your actions are not a personal attack. It's a game. It's not meant to be taken seriously. If someone says they think you're bandwagoning, that doesn't mean they think you're a cowardly shrew with foul, odorous breath. Don't take it personally.
6. Be mindful of what you share with others publicly.
Again, keep in mind that this is a public forum. That being said, there are some things which are appropriate to say and some things which are not.
During the game, there may be instances where you will be asked some things about your personal life (do you know this person in real life? Why were you absent until now? Are you busy? Etc.). Remember that how much you decide to share with other people about your personal life is entirely up to you.
On the other hand, some things are better shared in private with people you know better.
Not to mention that we are playing a game about doubting each other so in worst case scenario other players will see your claims with skepticism and question your motivations behind mentioning things which are too private. Which is practically the worst result that you can think of.
While outside the game, if you become close friends with one or more players, it might be okay to share certain things about your personal life, this might not always be the case in the game itself. Especially when you consider that the very nature of the game is about doubting other players. Be mindful or the circumstances that you're in.
7. Reach out to others.
If you feel like the game is getting to you, the GMs are at your disposal. You can also reach out to other players that you feel closer to (better if they are not in the game). And, of course, don’t forget the people close to you in real life as well. They are the ones who should support you.
8. Help the GMs.
Since we will obviously not be online 24/7, we appreciate any help. Of course, you don’t have to get involved in anything you don’t want to get involved in.
Even so, the best way that you can support us is being honest with us. If something bothers you, tell us. We're not going to judge you for it, and anything you tell any of us will be kept private.
Thank you!
